22 Jan Facilitation Tip: Working with the Negative in the Room

Have you ever chaired a meeting, facilitated a session, where there was a dark cloud lingering? That one person who has zero desire to be in that room. Or worse, sees no point in anyone else being there either. You know who I’m talking about.

What do you do? How do you bring them around? Recruit them to help you. Let me give you a couple of examples of my approach.

While conducting a Lessons Learned session on a major project and having spent the first half-hour gaining team alignment around the purpose of our gathering, one participant proclaimed to the group, “This is a waste of time. This project went perfectly. I had no problems, whatsoever!” Talk about deflating all the energy in the room! In a blink, I could see the wide-eyed shock in everyone else’s faces.

Without skipping I beat, I thanked him: “I’m glad you’re here. Can I call on you for help when we list recommendations for the next project? Others may not have had such a positive experience as you have. As we uncover their areas of heartburn, I will turn to you for answers. How you handled it if and when you encountered the same issue.” His body physically shifted at that moment from arms crossed, slouching in the chair to sitting up with pencil in hand. At that moment, he was back with the group.

Why? His experience was acknowledged and validated. Asking him to help, I’m assuming, boosted his perceived importance.

Another time, during a strategy planning session, one individual was in “grump” mode from the moment she walked in the door. Sitting in her chair, leaning back with hands tucked under her arms, her automatic response to every idea was “We’ve tried that already and it didn’t work.” Or “That’s not going to work.” I tried to let the group momentum carry her with us, but it wasn’t working.

Then I remembered, don’t fight it, use it. After she lobbed another negative bomb onto the table, I smiled and chuckled a little. I proceeded, “I’m really glad you’re here. When facilitating these kinds of workshops, it’s easy for the group to get caught up in it and forget the reality into which this all has to fit. When we get to the Action Steps section, I’ll need your help to keep us grounded, to make sure these great ideas will actually work.” With a small smirk and sitting a bit taller, she proclaimed, “I think I can manage that.” She was part of the group again.

There are just a couple of examples of how you can turn that negative into a positive. See the person, acknowledge their view, don’t fight it. Don’t try to convince them nor shame them. It never works. Find a way to recruit their experience to meet the purpose of the meeting.

I hope you find this useful. If you have questions, feel free to comment or reach out.